Introductory Letter
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am writing to introduce myself to you as a student in your
communication class. I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) with a diploma
in electrical systems.
My dad is an engineer, and we would sometimes spend the weekends troubleshooting, dismantling, and repairing items in the house. One day he brought home an electrical clock kit that required soldering and assembling, and I have been hooked on engineering since.
My hobby includes fishing, which is rare among my age group. However, I love the quiet solitude, allowing an introspection and a break from the hectic pace of daily life. Even while fishing, I subconsciously veer toward the engineering side of it, constantly surprised by how it is integrated into my fishing tackle and our daily lives even when we do not notice it. This further cemented my decision to study engineering in polytechnic and university.
One of my communication strengths is empathy. Being an introvert, I am more inclined to be reflective and observant, improving my understanding of others. This allows me to notice subtle verbal and non-verbal cues, allowing me to grasp the perspective and emotions around me. An example of this was during my group project in polytechnic, where I noticed one of the team members being hesitant to share their ideas and thoughts during a group brainstorming session. Instead of pushing for an immediate response, I approached her privately, understanding her concerns. We then worked to approach and solve that issue together.
However, a weakness is my inability to express my thoughts. In conversations, I often find myself using the same words or vocabulary, hindering the depth and breadth of the conversation I am having. One example is during an interview for my internship, I could not express my feelings and thoughts effectively to the interviewer, making me look uninterested, leading to a lost opportunity to work at that company.
Through this module, I aim to improve my language use to be more engaging and express my thoughts better. My second goal would be to improve my public speaking skills and manage the anxiety while effectively putting my point across accurately.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter and I look forward to improving myself in your module.
Sincerely,
Gareth
(Revised: April 3rd)
(Responded to the Introductory Letter of Ivy, Chai, Faiz, Hidayat and Kawi)
Great introduction dude, very captivating. The only point of improvement i noticed is "study engineering at Polytechnic" -> "study engineering in Polytechnic"
ReplyDeleteHi Faiz ! Thank you for taking the time to read my letter! Will amend and take note of this in the future. Thank You!
DeleteExcellent letter my friend. I just have one small little detail that you might like to change. For the second last paragraph, you could change the two sentences, 'My second goal would be to improve my public speaking skills. How to manage the anxiety while effectively putting my point across accurately and accurately.' into 'My second goal would be to improve my public speaking skills and manage the anxiety while effectively putting my point across more accurately.'. I believe it makes the sentence more fluid and addresses the error of having two of the same words in the same sentence.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHI Chai! Thank you for your feedback and suggestion for improvement. I appreciate your attention to detail and agree that the new sentence flows better and eliminates having two repetitive words in one sentence. Will amend and be more mindful of this in the future. Thank You!
DeleteHello Gareth,
ReplyDeleteI hope you're doing well. I came across your blog and it was great to learn more about you. I can definitely relate to the weakness you mentioned, as I'm facing a similar issue myself.
I am confident that you will be able to overcome your weakness soon. Your writing style is smooth. Overall, your blog was concise and informative.
I wish you all the best in achieving your goals and I hope that we get the opportunity to work together as a team in the future.
Warm regards,
Brenda
Hi Brenda! Thank you for the words of encouragement! I really appreciate it! Hope that we can both overcome our weaknesses :)
DeleteDear Gareth,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your well-crafted letter with us. Your introduction effectively captures attention and provides a clear connection between your personal experiences and your decision to study engineering. Identifying empathy as a communication strength and expressing it through a real-life example in a group project showcases self-awareness. Similarly, acknowledging a weakness in expressing thoughts provides an opportunity for growth. I am happy to hear that there's someone else in the class who also shares the joy of fishing! Thank you once again for sharing with us your story and hope to read more from you soon!
Hi Hidayat! Thank you for your thoughtful feedback! I'm glad you found resonance in my words. Maybe we can go fishing together one day!
DeleteHey Gareth, This is a very descriptive insight into your background and your interests. your use of language is pretty good and you have fulfilled the requirements of the assignment. Your paragraphs and the content is very well organised. I am glad that your are as exited to improve your language and public speaking skills as I am. Can't wait to embark on this journey together!
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan! Thank you for your positive feedback! I'm thrilled that you found my background and interests well-described. Let's embark on this journey together to improve our language skills!
DeleteHi Gareth!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing more about yourself. Passion does sometimes stem from parents as they show you more about what it can offer. I love the way you turn what usually people deem as a disadvantage, being an introvert, into a strength. The examples you gave were really detailed of how you use this strength to solve an issue. I feel your pain as I relate with your weakness of not being able to express yourself effectively and constantly using the same words. it is amazing that engineering can occur everywhere whether it be making fishing tackle or drawing. Overall, your letter was concise and smooth and I enjoyed reading your letter.
Hi Kawiwon! Thank you for the well thought out response! Im glad that you understand the struggles of expressing myself effectively too! I hope we can both improve and overcome it together. Thanks for taking the time to share our thoughts!
Delete
ReplyDeleteDear Gareth,
Thank you for the detailed sharing in this clear and informative letter. You address the key components of the brief and provide interesting details that shed light on who you are. I really appreciate learning, for instance, about your background -- inclduing your fishing hobby -- and how that ties to your evolving interest in engineering.
You also do a fine job explaining your comm skills and elaborating. We'll certainly work on the areas you mention as needs.
In terms of language use, this is fluent, but there are a few areas to review:
1. overuse of caps
-- This further cemented my decision to study engineering at Polytechnic and University. > This further cemented my decision to study engineering at polytechnic and university.
-- my group project in Polytechnic, ... > ?
2. sentence structure
-- How to manage the anxiety while effectively putting my point across accurately and accurately. > {fragment) ?
3. verb tense
-- My Dad was an engineer, .... > (Is he still and engineer?) [Also, as an aside, when the word dad as a substitute for his name, only then do you cap it. For example: Dad gave me a clock kit.]
I look forward to reading more from you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Hi Prof Blackstone! I'm glad you found my letter informative and detailed. I appreciate the acknowledgement of my communication skills and I'm definitely looking forward to improving them with your help!
DeleteI will be more mindful of the areas mentioned in the future and make the necessary amendations to the current letter. Thank you for the detailed feedback on the areas of improvement!